Great American Beer Festival Report This year's GABF was the most formidable foe tackled to date. With 1323 different beers from 336 breweries ensconced in a defensive position on two floors of Currigan Fort, it was a daunting task to hit them all and get away unscathed. With an intrepid crew of four Atom Mashers (Corporal Hall, Private Stewart, Colonel Olson and Lieutenant James), the assault was begun. H-hour was set for dawn on Thursday. Two urban assault vehicles loaded with supplies and ammo left the sleepy town of Los Alamos with blood in their eyes. The rendezvous point was set for Colorado Springs at Phantom Canyon, a brewpub close enough to use as a base of operations. After picking up supplies, we headed off for the main attack in Denver. The element of surprise was not with us. It seemed as if many hours had been spent in fortification. Specifically, the addition of the second floor diluted our attack so that we were forced to adopt a multi-level strategy. Fortunately, the two levels helped confuse the crowd so that the booths were easier to sabotage. It was also fortunate that our tactical strike started on Thursday night, one night earlier than last year, as their ranks were not as swollen. All during the onslaught there were periodic rallying cries that sparked us on to victory, usually signalled by one of the enlisted men breaking a glass, or falling on his sword. Corporal Hall discovered a spy, cleverly disguised as a woman in a tight leather skirt, infiltrating the men's rest room. Throughout the campaign we were aided by a valiant squadron from the Grainful Heads Drum and Fife Corps, headed up by Colonel Kevin and Jeremy of the Scotch. An unidentified soldier from the Grainful Heads even tried to recruit Lieutenant James to their side of the camp. There were four major battles, and one minor but heated skirmish with some mead-drinking Vikings that occurred in PFC Stewart's room. The last day proved to be the toughest, with two major battles flanking the mead skirmish. In preparation, we forayed deep into enemy territory, raided a known stronghold at Liquor Mecca, and escaped with several cases of their best --- and our lives. A quick exit volley was exchanged at the Walnut Brewery, with Old Thumper doing its damnedest. At this point we pause in our battle narrative to remember those that lost their lives in the conflagration. Here are the names of those favored few that honored us with their presence: Alaskan Amber Beer -- Alaskan Brewing Co. Alaskan Smoked Porter -- Alaskan Brewing Co. Anchor Steam Beer -- Anchor Brewing Co. Beartooth Blackberry Wheat -- Beartooth Brewing Company Beehive Honey Wheat -- Bristol Brewing Company Belgian Amber Framboise -- Cottonwood Grille and Brewery Bhagwan's Best India Pale Ale -- Big Time Brewing Co. Bigfoot Barleywine Style Ale -- Sierra Nevada Brewing Co. Blue Whale Ale -- Pacific Coast Brewing Co. Bourbon County Stout -- Goose Island Celis Raspberry -- Celis Brewery Celis White -- Celis Brewery Chicken Killer Barley Wine -- Santa Fe Brewing Co. Classic Oak Aged Ale -- Jack Daniel Brewery Dixie White Moose -- Dixie Brewing Dog Spit Stout -- O'Ryans Tavern and Brewery Doggie Style -- Flying Dog Brew Pub Duesseldorfer Altbier -- McNeill's Brewery Georgia Peach Wheat -- Helenboch Brewery Gold Spike -- Tabernash Brewing Co. Grants Apple Honey Ale -- Grants Yakima Brewing Co. Grants Imperial Stout -- Grants Yakima Brewing Co. Gray Whale Ale -- Pacific Coast Brewing Co. Hubscotch Ale -- Hubcap Brewery and Kitchen Hummingbird Ale -- Mountain Sun Pub and Brewery Ichthyosaur Pale Ale -- Great Basin Brewing Co. Mactarnahans Ale -- Portland Brewing Co. Maid Marion Berry -- Left Hand Brewing Co. Moose Drool -- Big Sky Brewing Company Naughty Monkey Brown Ale -- Seabright Brewery Pub and Rest. Old Crustacean -- Rogue Ales Old Foghorn Barleywine -- Anchor Brewing Co. Old Thumper Barleywine -- Walnut Brewery Old Wooly Barley Wine -- Big Time Brewing Co. Oregon Honey Beer -- Portland Brewing Co. Peach Buzz -- Empire Brewing Co. Purple Passion Raspberry Wheat -- Oldenberg Brewing Co. Sierra Nevada Celebration Ale -- Sierra Nevada Brewing Co. Sierra Nevada Pale Ale -- Sierra Nevada Brewing Co. Snake River Pale Ale -- Snake River Brewing Co. Tabernash Weiss -- Tabernash Brewing Co. Taos Green Chili Beer -- Eske's Brewpub The Vermont Smoked Porter -- Vermont Pub and Brewery Wheat Wine -- Triple Rock Brewery and Alehouse Woodruff Ale -- San Andreas Brewing Co. Zoser Stout -- Oasis Brewery Also, we realize with sorrow that there were many courageous beers who lost their fizz defending their breweries and did not leave a label or a dog-tag for identification, so we spend a few moments in silent contemplation of: The Keg of The Unknown Pale Ale. After the successful decimation of the target with little collateral damage, the brave Atom Masher battalion made a leisurely retreat back to HQ at Los Alamos to regroup forces. Lieutenant James was highly decorated with many badges for bravery, snatched from the very hands of the enemy. Colonel Olson was caught without ammo for the mead skirmish which he had instigated, but Corporal Hall fired several well-placed rounds. Private Stewart made a single-handed but curious attack on the botanical gardens, eliminating any possible beer there. All-in-all, Denver is no longer a threat to free beer anywhere. Another assault is in the planning stages for next year. D-Days will be September 26, 27 and 28 at Currigan Fort in Denver. Join up now before you're drafted. Atom Sam Needs YOU! Respectfully submitted, Corporal Hall -------- GABF QUOTES Regarding Sierra Nevada Celebration ale (late in the evening tasting session): "I am *not* gonna pour this one out; I'm gonna throw it up." "Whenever two or more beers are gathered in our name, we will be there also."