Post Number: 527
|Posted on Monday, February 14, 2011 - 12:55 am: ||
1. Go to your local snowmobile repair shop, smile and give the first guy you see $200. This will get you used to spending money there on a regular basis.
2. Fill a 50-gallon barrel with sand. Lower it into a hole. Now
lift it out.If you can, add water to the sand and try it again. Do this
5 times per day. This will get your back in shape for lifting your sled out of the deep snow.
3. Tie a rope to a heavy-duty spring. Pull the rope repeatedly
with each arm until the pain in your shoulders meets somewhere in middle
your back. This will get you in shape for starting your bud's sled,
which he conveniently forgot was out of gas. It's best to do this exercise while someone is spraying starting fluid into your nose and eyes also.
4. Drink four ounces of cod liver oil mixed with a strong laxative. Dress in long underwear, wool pants, snowmobile bibs,
insulated boots and heavy coat. Walk far into the woods without any paper products and wait for a personal emergency. This gets you prepared
for the Beer squirts that come out of nowhere, and at the wrong time.
5. Place your hands in a bucket of ice water for 20 minutes. Put the carburetor from your lawn mower in the bottom of your deep freeze..
Now climb in the deep freeze, shut the lid and overhaul the carburetor while holding a pen light in your mouth. This gets you prepared to work on your sled in the freezing cold and black of night. Advanced riders do this with aleatherman too
7. Dress up in your new $350 snowmobile bibs. Pour 2 stroke oil down the right leg, gasoline down the other and Peppermint Schnapps and
Beer all over the front. Fill your boots with ice cubes and ask your
wife or girlfriend to dance. This will prepare her for the stops at the local bar after a ride.
8. Put on a Balaclava and a full-face helmet. Attempt to drink
hot chocolate through the opening. Advanced riders attempt this while
riding a lawn tractor over in the nearest farmers' field.
9. Find a place where you can pay $4.50 a gallon for regular
gas; $19.99 per quart of oil; $16 for a hamburger and frozen French
fries; $3 for a coke and $160 to sleep in a cold cabin on a bed with
springs sticking through the mattress. Stay for two nights, minimum.
This will prepare you for the high cost of your future winter trips.
10. Practice explaining to your banker why you need another loan
for a $60,000 truck to pull the four $20,000 toys, in your $19,000 trailer that you still owe $50,000 on.
Now, you are 50% ready, and somewhat conditioned to head for the trails and ride your sled.
Post Number: 12571
|Posted on Monday, February 14, 2011 - 02:37 am: ||
Add to No. 9 the requirement that the cabin be heated with an oil or propane stove that refuses to stay lit throughout the night when the wind chill plunges to -20 F (-29 C) outside.
I knew there were reasons why I don't own a snowmobile.
Post Number: 7662
|Posted on Monday, February 14, 2011 - 03:40 am: ||
Now me, I have a camp on the river. From a boat/snowmoble/airplane perspective, I got it cheap.
Post Number: 2732
|Posted on Monday, February 14, 2011 - 01:39 pm: ||
I don't see anything in there about training to ride back to civilization with a broken arm and several bruised ribs. This has happened to -- not one, not two, but -- THREE of my cousins over the past 15 years. They all still ride, but slower.