| Author |
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Jeff McClelland (cache-1.lnh.md.webcache.rcn.net - 207.172.11.147)
| | Posted on Wednesday, January 30, 2002 - 04:11 am: | 
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Just a quick question...What's the deal? My girlfriend acts like I'm imposing on her time...Opinions ....PLEASE!!!!! How do I get around this? |
gunslinger (dialup-ip-216-222-109-166.boi.rmci.net - 216.222.109.166)
| | Posted on Wednesday, January 30, 2002 - 04:17 am: |
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Change girlfriends! Skoal! |
J. Steinhauer (66.168.239.73)
| | Posted on Wednesday, January 30, 2002 - 04:22 am: |
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I'm sorry man, my lovely wife has encouraged my behavior, since I started thinking about homebrewing a few months ago. She is making me get a kegging system, because she did not have fun bottling with me, and she has no patience to wait for bottle conditioning, and she is looking for used refrigerators. I suggest, if she likes beer, take her to the LHBS, and let her pick the stuff for the next batch. My first batch and my fourth batch were my wife's choices and were just as much fun to make and will be just as much fun drinking as my choices? |
Michael (12.17.24.88)
| | Posted on Wednesday, January 30, 2002 - 04:45 am: |
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Imposing on "her" time? It is your time "together." Geeez, next thing you know, she'll be wanting the carboy to sleep on the floor...
Get a dog, or paper route....brew on.... |
Jeff McClelland (cache-1.lnh.md.webcache.rcn.net - 207.172.11.147)
| | Posted on Wednesday, January 30, 2002 - 04:45 am: |
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Maybe I should make my GF grind 30 lbs of grain on my JSP for my next Barley Wine...punishment due!!!! |
Paul Hayslett (163.43.252.64.snet.net - 64.252.43.163)
| | Posted on Wednesday, January 30, 2002 - 05:20 am: |
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Can't help ya. My wife bought me the starter kit that got me into this hobby and has been nothing but supportive since. It might be because I've been supportive of her hobbies -- buying her a bike, for instance, or watching the kids while she goes to the quilting store. Then again, it might just be because she likes good beer. Either way, she's not yet grumbled about time, boilovers, starters in the fridge, or questionable charges on the credit cards. Yes, I know how lucky I am. |
Matt Jarvis (205.238.61.189)
| | Posted on Wednesday, January 30, 2002 - 05:49 am: |
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I'm no marriage counselor (but I knew a guy that played one on TV)....
I can speak from experience... if you are never doing things together, out golfing, stamp collecting, out drinkin' with the boys twice a week and so forth, then you'd have to agree she has a point....
If you are like me and brewing is your only real hobby, then brother this is a bad sign of things to come... time for an upgrade...
Okay, so I admit that my brewing obsession can be a bit of a distraction to my day-to-day life... so what if I haven't seen the dining room table in over a year (covered in carboys) and neighborhood kids go missing in the tall grass in the yard - dude - this is brewing we're talkin' about!! |
Bill Tobler (208.35.56.83)
| | Posted on Wednesday, January 30, 2002 - 05:52 am: |
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Ummmm....Get a rope.... |
manwithballs (dialup-67.24.139.100.dial1.tampa1.level3.net - 67.24.139.100)
| | Posted on Wednesday, January 30, 2002 - 07:21 am: |
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Because she is your master. Get some Corona and sqeeze a lime. |
Craig Greuel (new-24-208-34-219.new.rr.com - 24.208.34.219)
| | Posted on Wednesday, January 30, 2002 - 07:49 am: |
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I have this same problem every 28th day of the month and it lasts for a week 
greue|z |
River_ Rat (63-164-165-151.mfr739dip.internetcds.com - 63.164.165.151)
| | Posted on Wednesday, January 30, 2002 - 07:57 am: |
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I have s solution.
1) arrange to spend some Qualtiy time with her
2) go down to the and store pick up a 6 pack of buttwieser cans
3) just before she arrives drink one can. ( this will be very difficult but you must force it down)
4) when she arrives do what ever it is she likes to do, watch a chick flick cuddle or what ever girly crap she comes up with
5) this is very important!! while you are busy with step 4 remember the wonderful taste of the
buttweiser
6) when she leaves open a nice home brew and enjoy
7) crack open one more can force it down (DO IT !!!)
8) decision time: chick flics and buttweiser or homebrew and a life long obsession with its creation
9) save remaining 4 cans do not refrigerate. these can be used as punishment for party fouls at your next gathering
10) go to your LHBS buy your next batch
On a serious note get her involed in some way. Tell her you need her help with some aspect of brewing. Explain to her that this is something you dearly love to do and see no reason she cannot spend time with you while you brew. If she is not willing to compromise it could be a deeper issue than just the brewing. Then it is in all fairness DECISION TIME
RR |
beerbob (eng-tp.rolandhouse.com - 12.109.34.134)
| | Posted on Wednesday, January 30, 2002 - 12:36 pm: |
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Tell her she's imposing on your time!!!
I have found that it is imperative to have some distance between 2 people. If it be work, hobbies, etc.. each has to have a thing or 2 that is THEREs and theres alone, to be practiced/ enjoyed without the significant other. This helps for maintaining a healthy relationship because otherwise, one or the other is going to go postal when they feel trapped in their life with no "fun" for themselves.
Fortunately, my wife enjoys many of my beers and supports my obsession ( hobby ). She helps me bottle ( stacks them in the crates for me ) and so forth. She emails me at work to let me know the starter is perking away or smack pack swollen so that I can plan on getting home to step it up, etc....little things that make it easier and involves us both in the "project".
I on the other hand, recognize her desires ( hobby ) for tea. She orders different teas from all over the place. Get's together with her friends for tea parties, etc.
Also spends lots of time with plants and gardening ( indoor and out ). So I try not to comment on the cabinets full of tea and tea making devices or the plants that she sits and worries over. She enjoys these things and I leave them to her, and try not to trip over any new planters in the house while moving fermenters full of beer!!!!
Some will not want anything to do with brewing. And that's fine, as long as they don't impose their personnal views/ beliefs onto you about everything and try to deprive you of ALL personal fulfillment and joy.
Hopefully, you will not have to give up one over the other...but if I had to choose..............................let's just say, I'd end up with more cabinet space for bottles!
Cheers. |
Aesop (12.40.254.206)
| | Posted on Wednesday, January 30, 2002 - 01:20 pm: |
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My beloved fully supports my hobby - in fact, she bought me my starter kit a number of years ago. She likes the beer that I make enough to be enthusiastic about it, but not enough to drink it all up on me (double-plus!)
Unfortunately, she doesn't care for the aromas that fill the kitchen while I'm making beer; thus I make every effort to schedule my brewing sessions for times when she's not in the house (or at least not around the kitchen). This means, perhaps, that I don't brew as often as I possibly could, but, on the other hand, everyone is happy.
A little compromise goes a long way... |
Bill Pierce (12-249-111-122.client.attbi.com - 12.249.111.122)
| | Posted on Wednesday, January 30, 2002 - 01:42 pm: |
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Unless you can find a way to involve her in the brewing process or convince her that it's ok to have her own activites and interests while you brew, it doesn't bode well for the relationship. If it's just that she's feeling a little left out, tell her you'd love to have her join you. If it looks like this is a major issue between the two of you, you might be better off with another relationship. |
Chris Topoleski (158.219.76.18)
| | Posted on Wednesday, January 30, 2002 - 02:02 pm: |
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Here is a different take on this. How about changing the time that you brew, or schedule a regular time when she can go do whatever she wants with her friends, or by herself, and you brew. Make a deal.
My wife likes the product, encourages me to try new beers and techniques, and has been reasonable with my equipment. My nature is to keep things tidy, and with an unfinished basement, I have a lot of brewing storage. Even when we lived in an apartment, it wasn't a problem.
We have an 8 month old son and I brew all grain. This is a 4 to 5 hour commitment to a brew session. So, I choose to brew on Friday or Saturday nights starting around 7 or 8 (after dinner). Munchkin has already been put to bed, and given the fact he still wakes up at night to nurse, my wife is usually out by 9:30pm. I finish up and crawl into bed around midnight or one. No later than I would normally get to bed on a weekend.
Before munchkin, I would let her know of my plans to brew on a weekend earlier in the week (a starter perking along usually is the first hint). She, in turn, would find something to do during my brew time. Sometimes she would help, sometimes she would go shopping, or take a walk at the zoo, or go visit her friends.
She knows I need my time alone for a little each week.
Since I changed to an evening brew session, I brew 3 times a month and no one feels they've lost part of the weekend.
Chris |
Paul Hayslett (163.43.252.64.snet.net - 64.252.43.163)
| | Posted on Wednesday, January 30, 2002 - 02:32 pm: |
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"A little compromise goes a long way... " Amen, Aesop!
Next week is my 9th wedding anniversary, and Kathi and I lived together for 4 years before getting married. We've been through several career changes, 5 moves, the birth of 2 kids, and other radical changes in our interests, time commitments, etc. We've had our share of fights and hurt feelings, but we've also hung together and grown closer.
Three things have been key: 1) go on a serious date (w/o kids!) at least 2X/month, 2) support each other's outside interests, 3) *compromise*. Unlike others in this thread, I have to say that, if forced to choose, I'd pack away the brew stuff and keep the wife. But, then again, I don't think she'd ever ask me to. |
James (kitty.admin.esu.edu - 206.225.98.252)
| | Posted on Wednesday, January 30, 2002 - 02:55 pm: |
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GIVE UP on trying to figure out, or please women. Do what makes you happy. |
Catt22 (sdn-ar-003ohcincp109.dialsprint.net - 158.252.0.69)
| | Posted on Wednesday, January 30, 2002 - 03:01 pm: |
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How much does she weigh? |
Bobcaat (199.223.29.225)
| | Posted on Wednesday, January 30, 2002 - 03:13 pm: |
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Give her something to think about.
Tell her you may drop the brewing hobby and take up golf. 18 holes on the weekend is a five hour round plus travel time and you have to be at the course 1/2 hour before the round starts, 6 hours on Saturday / Sunday mornings. She may find brewing is not so bad for her afterall.
Seriously, couples are made up of two individuals, and each needs their own time and hobbies. |
Gurdy (cust-84-173-l133.dyn-adsl.bestweb.net - 216.179.84.173)
| | Posted on Wednesday, January 30, 2002 - 03:54 pm: |
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While my buddy & I brew beer ours wives shop or do their craft projects. It's a fantastic thing, as long as we're sober enough to eat dinner everything's fine, and we get to share the fruits of our labor.
so get one of her friends husands/boyfriends to brew with you & send them on their merry way.
Good Luck |
N. Poell (1cust219.tnt1.topeka.ks.da.uu.net - 63.39.63.219)
| | Posted on Wednesday, January 30, 2002 - 04:08 pm: |
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my suggestion is, if you haven't tried this already, to bring her over to our side. get her to like the 'hobby'. cook her up a batch of mead or fruit wine or something, dare i say it, 'light' (berry beer, wheat beer, the carib shandy from 'clone brews', etc.). might help.
-nate |
WacoBob (wa61083.tstc.edu - 161.109.3.195)
| | Posted on Wednesday, January 30, 2002 - 04:09 pm: |
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Ditto Bobcatt ... tell her you might take up golf or hunting or fishing . My wife appreciates the fact that my beer keeps me around the house.
Skoal! |
Bill Pierce (ord-dsl122-cust028.mpowercom.net - 208.57.122.28)
| | Posted on Wednesday, January 30, 2002 - 04:13 pm: |
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Getting her involved in mead and meadmaking might be a good idea. Believe me, there is something about women and mead. |
MooreBrew (12.11.145.251)
| | Posted on Wednesday, January 30, 2002 - 04:51 pm: |
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I have to say that after 18 years of marriage, we've learned a few things. Maybe they'll work for you too.
You have to have something recreational you enjoy doing together. Then you each need to have something recreational you enjoy doing separately. This is essential. Without one or the other, you'll either neglect the relationship or yourself. If the two of you cannot balance these out, then the odds of it being a happy long term relationship are slim.
My wife supports and encourages my homebrewing even though she hates beer and I monopolize the kitchen doing it, and I support and encourage her hobbies even though they cost me a small fortune. We also take short separate vacations (long weekends really) most years, in addition to family vacations. We're very careful to balance our individual time with family time.
just my 2 cents |
Hophead (eta.dmz-us.st.com - 167.4.1.38)
| | Posted on Wednesday, January 30, 2002 - 05:22 pm: |
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catt22, yer killin' me...
Someone asking this brewing collective for advice on girlfriends... That's about as rich as it gets.
Go with BillP, make a mead with her, or heaven forbid a fruit flavored underhopped beer.
A friend with mead, is a friend indeed. |
cheesehead (dyn94-7-61.nts.umn.edu - 160.94.7.61)
| | Posted on Wednesday, January 30, 2002 - 05:26 pm: |
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If you were a BWTW, you'd get a mail-order bride from some god-forasaken third world nation and she'd do whatever you wanted and never ask any questions. |
David Birdwell (cf6.onenet.net - 164.58.10.126)
| | Posted on Wednesday, January 30, 2002 - 05:45 pm: |
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Bill, what do you mean about women and mead? I'm about to make a strong sweet melomel (my first mead). Is this dangerous??
Dave |
Brewing In CT (pg1px.pg.com - 192.44.136.103)
| | Posted on Wednesday, January 30, 2002 - 05:46 pm: |
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Cheesehead,
And where would one, hypothetically of course, find information on mail order brides? Do they come with warrantees? Really, my FRIEND wants to know. Oh, and for those of us with a thick wallet who want it to stay that way…..do they offer discounts on last years model (but not a used one)? |
Brewer With Thick Wallet (w090.z208037042.lax-ca.dsl.cnc.net - 208.37.42.90)
| | Posted on Wednesday, January 30, 2002 - 05:52 pm: |
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Cheesehead,
You obviously know nothing about being a BWTW.
Relationships are a two-way street.
Opinions are like arseholes, everybody has one.
BWTW |
Coly Moore (134.122.10.119)
| | Posted on Wednesday, January 30, 2002 - 05:53 pm: |
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Give lots of parties, serve your great beer, everyone tells her "Wonderful party" - she'll want you to make more and more..
This is the easiest way to "involve her". |
cheesehead (dyn94-7-61.nts.umn.edu - 160.94.7.61)
| | Posted on Wednesday, January 30, 2002 - 06:26 pm: |
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Hmmmm....I seem to have developed a talent for offending people lately. Sorry all. Sincerely.
But, really, BWTW, couldn't you afford the sense of humor down at the personality store? ;-)
Oops. Sorry. I just can't resist. There are just so many opportunities with that BWTW handle...
I mean, you do have that Bud picture on your profile and you are smiling...unless you're really smiling at that treasure trove of Bud?? |
ch (dyn94-7-61.nts.umn.edu - 160.94.7.61)
| | Posted on Wednesday, January 30, 2002 - 06:43 pm: |
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Brewing in CT-
Here's a link!
http://www.loveme.com/index1.shtml
I don't see anything about refunds. |
Gary H (63.87.116.6)
| | Posted on Wednesday, January 30, 2002 - 07:26 pm: |
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My wife knows that I enjoy brewing. I know she does not like the smell, so I don’t brew when she is home.
We do most of our hobbies or activities as a family. But at the same time we each have hobbies or activities we do alone.
Trying to force a hobby on someone else will only cause resentment.
Gary |
Bill Pierce (ord-dsl122-cust028.mpowercom.net - 208.57.122.28)
| | Posted on Wednesday, January 30, 2002 - 07:42 pm: |
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David B, I'm one of the world's least likely ladies men, but you've got to believe me that mead has a magical effect on women (and on you, too, for that matter). I mean it won't turn you into Tom Cruise, but the combination of the mead itself along with the right stories about its tradition, lore, etc. works wonders. I'm also far from a New Age mystic, but I know there is a magic in mead that cannot be explained by logic alone.
I know women who enjoy my beer immensely. I gave a gift of mead, however, that brought profuse and eternal thanks along with the claim that it singlehandedly saved a marriage. Who am I to argue? |
Michael (1cust141.tnt1.salisbury.nc.da.uu.net - 63.16.54.141)
| | Posted on Wednesday, January 30, 2002 - 07:53 pm: |
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Tell her professional brewers make well over six-figures. If she sticks around, she is only after your money, so she wasn't worth it anyway.
I have a good woman. She encourages me to brew because she knows it makes me HAPPY. ;>) |
MeadMkr (pool-141-156-81-140.res.east.verizon.net - 141.156.81.140)
| | Posted on Wednesday, January 30, 2002 - 09:55 pm: |
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I second Bill P's recommendation of doing a batch of mead with/for her. Then again I'm a little biased as mead is the primary reason I got into this 'hobby' [my other hobby involves renaissance festivals]. My wife is a quilter
and even with all of the carboys, bottles, supplies, etc her 'hobby' takes up more room
than mine. We've worked out a compromise in
that she is allowed to give away a certain portion of what I make in exchange for no
(well, minimal) complaints on supply purchases.
I have a weekend a month that I can plan on
doing my stuff, the rest are set aside for
family or other activities. My brewing weekend
is not cast in stone but we have a family
schedule that all events are planned on. If
it's not on the schedule then it has lowest
priority (that's bitten the daughter a few
times when she forgot to put things on it).
If she's a keeper and I suspect she is based on the fact you asked for opinions, sit down and talk to her about it. Make a point of scheduling together time and some apart time. Try to get her involved with your hobby and learn about her's.
Good luck,
Chris |
Justin Bruett (66-81-49-167-modem.o1.com - 66.81.49.167)
| | Posted on Wednesday, January 30, 2002 - 10:45 pm: |
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I think you might want to try doing some creative thinking. Devise two situations that will move things in your direction. Then, without being obvious about it have your SO decide between the two.
SO is involved in the decision process and you should be able to make beer. |
Adam W (psc-302a12.hsc.usc.edu - 128.125.132.121)
| | Posted on Wednesday, January 30, 2002 - 11:39 pm: |
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Tell her that you are more than willing to accept a BJ during the "down-times" of the brew-day, i.e during the mash, watching the boil, etc.
This arrangement will kill two birds with one stone. She gets to spend quality time with you while you get to brew some beer. |
Brewer With Thick Wallet (66-214-44-153.lb-dyn.charterpipeline.net - 66.214.44.153)
| | Posted on Thursday, January 31, 2002 - 02:28 am: |
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Cheesehead,
Yes, I am smiling in the picture.
You are very observant.
BWTW |
craig (1cust143.tnt3.birmingham.al.da.uu.net - 63.10.120.143)
| | Posted on Thursday, January 31, 2002 - 02:55 am: |
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catt22 you made me spit beer all over my monitor. that was funny im still laughing while i type this. my wife doesnt say anything about me brewing, and she doesnt drink, but i do and enjoy spending quality time with her and my son,(as long as im not too far from my keg) just kidding. the only part she doesnt like is i WILL NOT drink and drive, so she has to be my DD. but then i feel guilty and try not to bother her with hauling me around unless its unavoidable. she likes to see me happy and i like to see her happy but im not saying i would give up brewing. give her flowers or something(spend $25 on something thats going to die in 3 days), they love that crap for some reason. oohh, that couldve been a batch of something wonderful. i should be a polotition i just filled up 5 pages of words without giving a dirrect answer. and i cant spell. |
bretth (12-254-8-128.client.attbi.com - 12.254.8.128)
| | Posted on Thursday, January 31, 2002 - 04:51 am: |
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Dump her.
You spend what, 6 hours once or twice a month doing something you like, and she cops an attitude?
Take my advice. You're sniffin down the wrong hole, dawg. Be glad she's just your girlfriend. |
D. Timothy Price (63-164-166-119.mfr739dip.internetcds.com - 63.164.166.119)
| | Posted on Thursday, January 31, 2002 - 05:03 am: |
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29 years and climbing. BWTW - I'm smiling, too - but not because I've got too much Bud in the reefer. Jeff, after a while you'll figure out what she wants (or maybe, at least, what she doesn't want). Don't make what she doesn't want.
Mead might work. For mine, the goal is the perfect porter. Haven't made it yet but I'm having a heck of a time trying! Wine could be an adequate alternative - you never know. If all else fails, ask her (this is, of course, not the ideal solution, but sometimes we have no alternative!).
Try asking her just before orgasm - sometimes honesty prevails.
Worthog |
Jeff McClelland (cache-1.lnh.md.webcache.rcn.net - 207.172.11.147)
| | Posted on Thursday, January 31, 2002 - 05:33 am: |
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Thanks guys for all of the advice...I know that times can be conflicting, and lots of advice has been taken...aside from how much she weighs, 100 by the way, Spanish...Oh Yeah!...BJ's ...Yes...Definately, and lots of laughs have obviously been had. She is a keeper, and a friend of more than 15 years...we met in high school...I'm now 30...She does like what I have produced so far...I've slowly incorporated my brewing into her schedule...she helped me keg the last one. I think I will try the mead approach, and she does like Lambics. Thanks for everyone opinions, they have been great! |
Brewaholic (205.188.197.51)
| | Posted on Friday, February 01, 2002 - 04:05 pm: |
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When I started. The wife was a little ticked off at me ruining her kitchen.
Ever since I upgraded to a bigger setup I don't use her kitchen and I don't have to brew weekly.
I have also found that Scot Rats Honey Wheat recipe keeps her a very happy camper.
So I'd say number 1 would be to brew larger quanties to give you more time for her.
Number 2 would be to find a brew that she likes to drink and keep the supply flowing.
Number 3 would be if neither one or two works. Trade her in on a newer model that you can program. (evil grin) |
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