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dhacker
Advanced Member
Username: Dhacker

Post Number: 899
Registered: 11-2002
Posted on Tuesday, June 05, 2007 - 11:28 am:   Edit Post Delete Post View Post/Check IP    Ban Poster IP (Moderator/Admin only)

Becoming Illegal

(Actual letter from an Iowa resident and sent to his senator)

The Honorable Tom Harkin
731 Hart Senate Office Building

Phone (202) 224 3254
Washington DC, 20510

Dear Senator Harkin,


As a native Iowan and excellent customer of the Internal Revenue Service, I am writing to ask for your assistance. I have contacted the Department of Homeland Security in an effort to determine the process for becoming an illegal alien and they
referred me to you. My primary reason for wishing to change my status from U.S. Citizen to illegal alien stems from the bill which was recently passed by the Senate and for which you voted. If my understanding of this bill's provisions is accurate, as an illegal alien who has been in the United States for five years, all I need to do to
become a citizen is to pay a $2,000 fine and income taxes for three of the last five years. I know a good deal when I see one and I am anxious to get the process started before everyone figures
it out. Simply put, those of us who have been here legally have had to pay taxes every year so I'm excited about the prospect of avoiding two years of taxes in return for paying a $2,000 fine. Is there any way that I can apply to be illegal retroactively? This would yield an excellent result for me and my family because we paid heavy taxes in 2004 and 2005. Additionally, as an illegal alien I could begin using the
local emergency room as my primary health care provider. Once I have stopped paying premiums for medical insurance, my accountant figures I could save almost $10,000 a year. Another benefit in gaining illegal status would be that my
daughter would receive preferential treatment relative to her law school applications, as well as "in-state" tuition rates for many colleges throughout the United States for my son. Lastly, I understand that illegal status would relieve me of the burden of renewing my driver's license and making those burdensome car insurance premiums. This is very important to me given that I still have college age children driving my car. If you would provide me with an outline of the process to
become illegal (retroactively if possible) and copies of the necessary forms, I would be most appreciative.Thank you for your assistance.

Your Loyal Constituent,

Donald Ruppert
Burlington, IA
 

Ron Siddall
Intermediate Member
Username: El_cid

Post Number: 313
Registered: 12-2005
Posted on Wednesday, June 06, 2007 - 05:22 pm:   Edit Post Delete Post View Post/Check IP    Ban Poster IP (Moderator/Admin only)

Very, very funny. Also very, very sad.
This space open to interpretation
 

The Jolly Brewer
Senior Member
Username: Matfink

Post Number: 1644
Registered: 03-2003
Posted on Monday, June 11, 2007 - 03:33 pm:   Edit Post Delete Post View Post/Check IP    Ban Poster IP (Moderator/Admin only)

Brilliant.

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